During adolescence we begin dreaming of the home we will have in adulthood. We happily imagine what it will look like, how big it will be, what area we will live in, and who will live in it with us.
When adulthood finally happens, there are many variables that change the vision including the reality of our financial status, location of employment, and or the location of our family or our spouses family. So, we purchase the house within the means of our budget, the area we live in is within a certain proximity of our job and the furnishings we decorate it with are a reflection of our current life’s situation, wants, needs, and desires.
When envisioning your perfect house, most people don’t dream of building it from the ground up even though we might want something new, lived in only by us, a creation of our ideals alone. What happens when you don’t know how to build a house? You don’t know how to lay a foundation, build the framework, or even have an idea of how you would like to decorate the inside of your house. What happens when your foundation is cracked? Where do you go from there?
That is what happened to me. My foundation was cracked in childhood and stayed cracked for many years because I didn’t have the knowledge of how to repair it.
The house I lived in as a child was filled with abuse and the knowledge of me not being wanted and the threat of me being kicked out at any time was always there. So what I took into my adulthood was that a roof over my head was temporary, to be grateful for that roof at all times because it could disappear at any moment and that was how I lived in my dwellings for years.
During that time, I worked hard to make sure that my daughter and I had a nice place with decent furnishings, but my house was always just a roof over our heads. Due to my understanding of my harsh upbringing, I made sure there was laughter which was my symbol of happiness, love which was my symbol of want, and respect which is my symbol of trust, but there was never a sense of belonging under any roof we had because I didn’t know how to build a home. And because I never felt that home in any one location, I moved around a lot not understanding why I couldn’t put down roots or what I was searching for.
One day, during one of my moves, this realization hit me, and I asked myself “Why am I moving again?” I pondered this in the next house and then spoke to a friend of mine who also moved frequently and realized what the problem was. Years of conditioning caused this flaw of not being able to put down roots because I felt that everything could be taken away at any moment and I had accepted it as what my life was supposed to be.
In that pivotal moment, I knew deep down that this was not a part of my core, and that was why I was always unsettled any place I lived. I moved a lot because I was searching for a home and I finally understood that it was up to me to build what I wanted. Then another realization hit me, my work dictates a lot of traveling so what will happen to me or my home when I travel. I asked myself “If I have roots, how will I stop myself from becoming lonely or homesick?” Breaking this cycle and being healthy was important to me so how was I going to prevent myself from falling into the cycle of uprooting myself over and over again.
The solution was simple in theory yet much more difficult to execute.
I had to start with me. I had to repair my cracked foundation, build a home inside myself and once that was whole and solid, then build my physical home.
My first step was to understand what my core values were (my foundation), what things (traits) were important to me (my framework) and what I truly treasured (my furnishings) for me to build a stable, loving, happy, home that I would always be comfortable in.
Because of my understanding of relationships, I had already established a solid foundation with the friends who were a part of my life. I continued to work on a healthy relationship with my daughter; I discovered the true meaning of family and what it meant to me. I came to the realization that while blood is thicker than water, the body is made up of an average of 60% of water, and it is vital to our survival. I acknowledged that I had built my friendships on the grounds of love, respect, joy, compassion, effective communication, and mutual help and they had become my family.
I worked hard to be mindful of the house I was building, purposefully repairing my cracked foundation, laying each brick, hammering in each nail, smoothing out the drywall, furnishing it with beauty and living my happiness along the way.
I stopped and took a good look at my friendships and realized it has been a pleasure getting to know my friends. I have spent hours of my life laughing with them, speaking with them, giving advice, getting advice, being a shoulder, using their shoulder, listening and being heard. They have given me some of the greatest moments in my life.
Who would have thought an abused, unloved girl would grow up to build such an amazing house filled with love, respect, compassion, kindness, joy, and harmony.
If you had told me in my teens that I could dare to dream of such a home, I would have never believed you, and now I take a step back, look at it, and my heart is full of the truth of the home I’ve built.
When building your home, be mindful of what is important to you. Check your foundation, your framework, and your furnishings from time to time. Take a step back and look at the house you’ve built. Are you proud of it or does it need some sprucing up?
Peace and Love to the Universe!!!